When You've Been Wronged

At 28, I had my heart ripped out by my business partner and mentor of nine years. The hate, anger, and pain consumed me.

But learning to release it might have been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it becomes especially volatile when money is involved. I’ve been on both sides of that line, and neither is easy.

Yes, betrayal is painful, but the endless doom loop of “what ifs” and “why me’s” is even worse.

If you’re the one who did the wrong, own it. “I was wrong. I messed up. I apologize. That’s not who I want to be.”

But let’s be clear—owning it doesn’t make you better than, nor does it guarantee forgiveness. Choosing to be in any relationship—business or personal—isn’t a one-time act but a constant practice.

But what happens when you’re the one who’s been wronged?

That’s where things get complicated.

Most of us believe that to release resentment, we need something outside of our control—an apology, karmic retribution, or punishment. But the problem with that is you’re holding your own happiness hostage.

You’re basing your peace on the belief that, “If X happens to them, then I’ll be happy.”

And those “if-then’s” are like hungry monsters. Easy to manage when they’re small, but hard to slay when they grow and feed on your negative thoughts.

So, what can you do?

My advice?

Forgiveness isn’t about condoning or accepting someone’s hurtful actions. It’s about your personal freedom.

“When you did X, I felt Y.” That pain deserves to be acknowledged and processed.

But everything after that act is YOUR choice.

The question becomes “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be free?”

If you choose freedom, you may never get an apology, a justification, or even a reason why.

Here’s a perspective I’d like to offer: Hurt people hurt people.

If someone has hurt you, imagine how much hurt they must carry to inflict that level of pain.

Again, this doesn’t justify their actions, but it does create space for healing.

When I went through that betrayal at 28, my coach gave me this perspective:

“There are two versions of this person in your life—the real-world version and the version you hold in your heart. You may never get closure from the real version, but you can find peace with the one you carry inside.”

If you choose to forgive, here’s an intention you can offer the version inside:

"One day, may you have the strength and the reasons to do the work within."

I started sending that wish begrudgingly. Then with compassion, then gratitude, and eventually love.

The love slowly dissolved my hate. I could think about that person and those events without being taken on a headless horse ride for hours.

Today, I genuinely have love for this person, but I do not like them, and I do not allow them near my atmosphere.

Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone back in—it’s about having the courage to love yourself enough to let go.

Cheers,