I haven't sent an email in three months.

Writing this feels like banging dried mud off hiking boots.

A little awkward.

A little overdue.

But necessary.

So why did I go quiet?

I could blame building an ADU. Or my daughter checking out colleges. Or just life.

Those are all easy answers.

The honest answer took a little more digging.

Somewhere along the way, I started equating writing emails with being popular.

And I've never thought of myself as popular.

I was the quieter kid with extroverted friends who dragged me along to things. I was never the person everyone naturally looked toward. I was never trying to win the room.

So every time I thought about writing, it felt like putting my hand up and hoping someone high-fived it back.

What if they didn't?

Easier not to put the hand up at all.

Sounds a little childish, right?

Maybe.

But it was real.

The funny thing is, I already knew what to do.

Write the email.

Hit send.

This wasn't a strategy problem.

It was something else.

Over the last few months, I realized I'd unknowingly made my audience responsible for giving me something they were never meant to provide.

Permission.

Every email quietly became the question:

"Is it okay for me to keep speaking?"

And that's a shaky place to build a business.

Because whatever you need from other people in order to keep showing up...

...you've unknowingly handed over to them.

If I need you to tell me I'm worth listening to...

I become dependent on your response.

If I need likes to keep posting...

I become dependent on likes.

If I need sales to believe in my offer...

I become dependent on sales.

And here's the insane part.

Most of us don't even realize we've done it.

We just call it inconsistency.

Or procrastination.

Or imposter syndrome.

But maybe it's none of those things.

Maybe we've simply outsourced something that was never meant to live outside of us.

There are days when the answer is simple.

Put your head down.

Work harder.

Move a little faster.

But when those days start turning into weeks... or months...

it's worth asking a different question.

What have I accidentally made someone else responsible for giving me?

You might be surprised by what you find.

Because the most efficient way to grow a business isn't always adding another funnel strategy.

Sometimes it's discovering what you can finally put down.

I'm glad to be writing again.